Today I found myself almost giving in to despair and hopelessness. My Pastor called me and gave me the swift kick in the butt I needed to get things into the right place again, and he did it without even knowing it. Micah is still in the hospital fighting RSV. Here is a verse that comforted me:
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;” 1 Corninthians 4:8
I also have been leaning on this one:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I am holding on to my faith, praying over my baby, and believing that “all things work out for the good of those that love Him.” (Romans 8:28)
I have struggled with fear my entire life. While it would love to consume me at this moment, in regards to my son, I absolutely refuse. All I can do is trust the God that gave me my precious little Micah Bear. That’s what I’m going to choose to do!
Tonight we had a big scare…Micah was having trouble getting rid of the Carbon Dioxide in his body. Normal levels are between like 30-45…Micah’s level was 99. SCARY. I pretty much had a meltdown, called my husband who also kind of “lost it,” my husband called my pastor, my pastor called me. He gave me words that I absolutely needed to hear. He encouraged and I decided to refuse to give in to fear, doubt, and all of the things that have been plaguing me and threatening to devour me. I went over to Micah’s side and started to speak some words of life to my boy. Then, I rested for a couple of hours. When I woke up, the nurse told me his level went down to 67. The doctor came in and told me that it was a really good sign that his levels went down because it showed them that his levels COULD go down, and that we were making progress in the right direction. PRAISE GOD.
We still have a ways to go but I am taking each step as a victory. My little boy is a fighter and is going to go on to live a life of purpose and destiny! I believe it. I will be keeping posted often because the hospital has provided me with a laptop and blogging is a welcome calm for me. Continue to keep my precious one in your thoughts and more importantly in your prayers..pray for his Momma too. 🙂